About a Girl Blog

Month Eleven:The “Positive” Life

March 9, 2012 By Natalie Committee Leave a Comment

Author’s Note: As the global epidemic of HIV/AIDS continues to spread, Uganda remains one of the hardest hit countries. Like Monica, other young women at ChildVoice and their children are affected by this deadly disease by no fault of their own. In 2009, according to the Uganda AIDS Commission, approximately 1.2 million people were reported to be HIV infected; 124,000 people were newly infected; and 64,000 people died due to AIDS related illnesses. In this month’s story, Monica talks about the difficulties of living with this illness.

Living with HIV

I have to live with this thing of HIV. Worse even, my child lives with it too. It is making our lives even more difficult than they already are. We struggle slowly, bit by bit without getting too down because we want to continue and have a happy life.

It is always on my mind. How do you stop from thinking of it? When I found out my two-year-old daughter, Blessing, was positive too…that was one of the worst days. She was getting so small, not eating or making noises except to cry. I even wanted to leave the ChildVoice center to just go home and die. With prayer and support from my teachers, I was able to see differently, and I decided to stay.

When I went home for Christmas, I was reminded how difficult life is there. Sometimes your neighbors can do bad things against you. Sometimes there is not enough money to buy the simple things you need. We don’t even need so much, but there is not enough for even those things. It is a hard life there. Because of the disease, I have to travel very far each week to town so that I can get my medicine from ChildVoice. I think I didn’t realize how much CVI helps me there. When you are [HIV] positive you need to take medicine all the time and at the right time; you cannot miss it. I don’t know what I would do without the medicine. It is really keeping us both healthy and alive. I worry what I will do one day if there is no medicine.

Staying Positive for the Future

I just pray and know that I must keep strong and try to focus on the good things in my life for the future. I want to finish up my program well at CVI. I want to work hard, to get all of the knowledge that I need so that when I leave, Blessing and I can have a good future. I’ve learned many things so far, but I feel I’m not yet done. I can see good changes taking place in my life. I must remain grateful for the good things in my life so that I can get through. Life has been hard, but we can still be happy.

Filed Under: About a Girl, ChildVoice in Uganda, Stories, Updates Tagged With: About a Girl, child mothers, child soldiers, ChildVoice International, Lord's Resistance Army, Lukome Centre, Northern Uganda, Uganda

Month Ten: Becoming New

February 24, 2012 By Natalie Committee Leave a Comment

Interview conducted by Winnie and Kristin Barlow

Monica, a young woman who came to ChildVoice International in Spring 2011, shares her personal thoughts as one of our group of girls, many formerly abducted by the Lord’s Resistance Army or otherwise affected by Uganda’s civil war. This is month ten in Monica’s 18-month journey of healing and recovery at the ChildVoice Lukome Centre. We invite you to walk alongside Monica during this time.

An Acholi Christmas

I went home for the first time in several months to celebrate Christmas with my family. My family missed me so much and I was so happy to see them. We have very nice traditions for Christmas that I want to share.

I really have such a good family. A week or so before Christmas, our father, uncle or older brother buys us a new dress to wear Christmas day so we look smart. At Christmas, my mom, sisters and I get up very early to prepare a good meal for dinner. We have to get extra water and things for preparing the chickens and maybe a goat. Then we prepare other nice goods like rice, greens, chapatti and other nice foods we don’t normally enjoy. Then when the food is prepared, we go to church looking smart in our new dresses.

I know some other girls, especially girls who came home from the bush, who don’t have families to welcome them home. My mother and brother know the big problem [of HIV] that [my daughter] Blessing and I have, but they really try to support me so much. One day I was sad because Blessing was so ill so my brother went out and bought me a bottle of my favorite soda.

Recognizing Change

I noticed many changes in myself since the last time I was home and others did too. They are good changes, though. One that is more obvious is my new skill in hair braiding that I learned from the centre. I decided to show the people at home by braiding someone’s hair. Something else surprised my family too. I never used to pray in church before; but when I went home in December I insisted on going to church every Sunday. Before, instead of going to church I would go to the community center and waste time doing things that may not have been good, but now I behave and spend my time well like working hard at home to help my mom.

People started commenting on all of these changes. They said they used to see me as someone who was always depressed and worried, but now they see me as a happy person, as someone who is not worried but joyful and hopeful about my life.

All of those things that family and friends noticed from home…I started to see those things in myself too for the first time. I noticed that I really was a much happier person. Going home reminded me of the way things used to be, of the things I used to do and think and say. Now I really am different, and all I can do is gain hope for my future.

Filed Under: About a Girl, ChildVoice in Uganda, Stories, Updates

Month Nine: Life After Tragedy

January 18, 2012 By Natalie Committee Leave a Comment

It was not so long ago that I was a new girl at ChildVoice. I was scared and uncertain. I am glad that I feel more comfortable now and am even able to take charge at the centre in my role as head kitchen girl. I’ve started to coordinate and delegate the other students to help me. If there are any problems, the other students come to me and I talk to the staff to fix any problems.

The only thing that bothers me is that many times I have to go to the hospital to get medicines for myself or Blessing since she is often sick these days. This makes it hard to really do my job well I think. I try my best though.

Overcoming Struggles

Sometimes I feel broken-hearted because of the problems I’m facing. The worst of my broken-heartedness happened only a few months ago here at ChildVoice. It was the day I found out that my daughter was HIV positive. I was so upset that I could not even think clearly. I didn’t even want to stay at the centre. I wanted to go home and die there together with my baby. The staff convinced me to stay so that I could go to the hospital for medicine though.

I went there and met with a nurse. She listened to my story and afterwards she prayed for me. That prayer really encouraged me. All of a sudden, I was okay. I decided I would stay at the centre and take good care of my daughter. When I think about it now, I think that was God protecting me even in my lowest time.

I know that I have prayer to guide me. This has led to such a big change in my life. Now I can say that I am starting to feel normal again. There was me before I was abducted and there was me after the abduction. I haven’t felt like myself before the abduction for a long time, but it is coming now…slowly, but I know it is coming.

Month Eight: Celebrating a Different Kind of Christmas

December 8, 2011 By Natalie Committee Leave a Comment

Interview conducted by Winnie and Kristin Barlow

Monica, a young woman who came to ChildVoice International in Spring 2011, shares her personal thoughts as one of our group of girls, many formerly abducted by the Lord’s Resistance Army or otherwise affected by Uganda’s civil war. This is month eight in Monica’s 18-month journey of healing and recovery at the ChildVoice Lukome Centre. We invite you to walk alongside Monica during this time.

The Difference a Year Makes

When I think about last Christmas, I really am even amazed at myself and how my life has changed over the one year. I’m so happy to go home for Christmas because I will see my mom. I really miss her so much and the rest of my family too. I will also eat wonderful food that I’m missing. It will be very fun. Christmas will be different this year than any other though. It will be better because of the knowledge I’ve gotten at ChildVoice. I will be sharing the word of God with my family and friends because I want them to know God like I do and have a new life. All over my village we can see the destruction from people abusing alcohol. In my family, we can take soda instead.

Sharing Lessons of Love

When I go home, I will be able to help my mom with things like fixing the house, harvesting and things like that. My mom has really taught me so many things. When I was young, she would keep me close by in everything she did so that I would learn and one day be able to take care of my home and family very well. She taught my sister and me very important lessons. One day she brought us together and told us to never practice witchcraft because she saw what bad things happened to people who did. She learned this from her mother and so she had to teach us. I will teach my daughter that someday too.

The Value of Family

I want to tell my daughter, Blessing, stories about my life and my family too so that she knows she is loved like I was loved. I will share with her one of my best memories of my father. He used to work far away from us in Kitgum, so I didn’t see him all the time. When I was small, he brought me a nice metal plate for eating. It was just especially for me, to eat my meals on. I was so happy and I used it all the time. Then whenever I was sad from missing him I would see the plate and remember how much he cared for me and loved me. It may seem like a small thing, but I knew that he loved me very much when he brought that plate.

My mother always said we must learn to get along with everyone that we can, especially family. She said that won’t always be easy, but we need to struggle and try because family is very important. I am grateful for my family, and I am so excited to celebrate Christmas with them!

Month Seven: Part of the Family

November 17, 2011 By Natalie Committee Leave a Comment

Monica, a young woman who came to ChildVoice International in Spring 2011, shares her personal thoughts as one of our newest group of girls, many formerly abducted by the Lord’s Resistance Army or otherwise affected by Uganda’s civil war. This is month seven in Monica’s 18-month journey of healing and recovery at the ChildVoice Lukome Centre. We invite you to walk alongside Monica during this time.

My brother, Morse, came to see me. The first time he came in May, and then again this September. He brought candy for Blessing. He had to ride his bike a very long distance to see me, at least a few hours. He’s 21 years old. We are very close, and he really loves me and takes care of me. Sometimes people would abuse me from home, make fun of me or try to hurt me, but he would always protect me. When he found out my husband was beating me, he took me away from him.

When Morse came, he told me that our mother really worries about Blessing. She is often sick and every time we go to the hospital we call my mom to tell her, so she always knows when Blessing is sick and she worries about us. But I told him that we are okay here and not to worry.

She is saying a few words now like, “I want water or milk or tea.” I know Blessing is happy too because she has so many children to play with when she is not sick. There are many people to watch and love her.

All of us here help each other out by watching each other’s children and helping with chores. We act like family would act. If Blessing could talk about her life here, maybe she would talk about her friends and her teachers because I know she loves them.

So I told Morse all those things so that they wouldn’t worry about us. It made me feel so good that he came to see me, especially because I know how hard it is for him to come and visit. I wish I could see my other family members, but when he came, it was like he brought the whole family. I know he feels good to know I am happier now and I am in a place where I am loved.

Filed Under: About a Girl, Stories, Updates Tagged With: About a Girl, child mothers, child soldiers, ChildVoice International, Lord's Resistance Army, Lukome Centre, Northern Uganda, Uganda

Month Six: Gaining Hope and Confidence

October 19, 2011 By Natalie Committee Leave a Comment

Interview conducted by Kristin Barlow and Beatrice Lakot.

Advice for New Girls at ChildVoice

I have been living at ChildVoice now for six months, and I already see the changes in me. Now that the new students have arrived at the center, I feel another change taking place.

When my group was still new, the older class taught us many things; they helped us a lot. My class feels like we should do the same for this new group of students. The feelings I have in general are different these days. I feel like I have a lot of hope and joy now, and I know it’s because of staying here. When I first arrived though, I didn’t have that real hope, and I think some of these new students feel the same so I need to translate that hope and joy to them.

We are trying to teach the new girls about respect at the center. I’m also trying to show them how to share. That’s a difficult thing to teach someone. Then there is gossiping. They are used to speaking badly about other people, but it’s not good and we don’t practice that here at CVI; they teach us not to. So we are trying to show these girls.

There are two very hard things to overcome. The first is that they don’t trust us yet. They cannot believe that we are here to help them and not hurt them. Second is that we are trying to show them how we can take care of each other’s children. That’s what we do here, we help each other.

So the best advice I could give to them is to learn respect. We have to respect other people and be respected. How do you do this? It’s not easy. The best way really is by learning how to pray well and listen to the word of God. This is something I would not get tired of telling them.

I would also tell them that they should not fear the people here. When you first come you could be scared. You don’t know anyone, and you are far from home. But the people here want to help you so you should not fear but trust the people here.

Accepting a New Role with Confidence

My new role at the center as leader and teacher to the new girls helps me to see that I might really be good at something, that maybe I could be a real teacher one day. Because of my hand being deformed, there are many skills that I can’t do, so instead I’m thinking I need to go back to school so that I can increase my knowledge. Then I would be able to take the tests to become a teacher, and my Blessing could go to school where I teach one day when she is old enough. I could even save my money to buy land and maybe get married. That is what I hope for in 10 years.

You know I used to worry a lot about the future because of the problems that I have, but God has given me hope. Now I’m happy when I think about the future, and I hope the new girls can be happy one day too.

Month Five: Fear and Faith

September 19, 2011 By Natalie Committee Leave a Comment

Interview conducted by Kristin Barlow and Beatrice Lakot.

Self-Reflection

As I reveal all of these things about myself, I reveal it to myself also. In times before, I have tried to forget who I am and the things that have happened in my life. I have done this so much that I have forgotten some of these things that make me who I am today. I am different today than I was yesterday and tomorrow I will be still more different. I hope these changes are always for the good.

Something I know about myself is that I don’t like to sit quietly. I like sitting and sharing with others. Sometimes I think I talk too much, but I just love to talk. I love to laugh. I just can’t keep quiet.

I know that I am not afraid of traveling, but I am afraid of conflict with others. I don’t know why conflicts really bother me, but I just wish that people would always get along…but they don’t. I am also afraid about my future. I know I always say this, but it is because of my HIV status and I wonder how I will survive. The reason I fear this is because of my child—who will take care of her? That stops me from thinking about good things most of the time. It is just always on my mind.

We Are Healing

So to my friends who are reading this, I want to say this—maybe in Uganda we will never be good again, but I want them to remember that we have gone through a very difficult time. They shouldn’t give up on us or think that we will never heal because we are healing now…just bit by bit. So they should have faith and not fear and also forgive us for the funny things we do. We are healing, but please forgive us.

Also, you should know that Uganda is a very good country. We have lots of land for digging and getting food. I think something that is especially good about Uganda is that there is no snow here. You can walk on the ground barefooted without getting cold.

Thank you for hearing my story and helping us all to live at ChildVoice.

Learn how you can get involved with ChildVoice International.

About a Girl: I Am Freed

September 9, 2011 By Natalie Committee Leave a Comment

Interview conducted by Kristin Barlow and Beatrice Lakot.

God Saved My Life

I like to talk to my friends about God. Before I was at ChildVoice, I felt like I couldn’t do this sometimes, but here I know I can talk to everyone about Him. I tell them that I know God exists through what He has done in my life. God helped me in the bush. We were walking a long distance and I dropped something because it was too heavy for me to carry, so the commander ordered the soldiers to kill me. I asked for only one thing—that I could at least pray before they kill me. So they let me pray, but right after I finished, the planes came to bomb us. Everyone ran away, and I was able to escape in the chaos. So I know God was there with me. He heard my prayers and He protected me. I know He must be there. He saved my life.

Still, after I escaped and made it home, I found it so difficult to live. I was so hopeless and just wanted to just die at times, especially after I found out I was [HIV] positive. Being at ChildVoice has given me hope though. It is the only way I can look at my future and be happy. Also, prayer makes me happy. Sometimes when I get sad, I just pray and feel free.

Yes, God frees me.

Filed Under: About a Girl, ChildVoice in Uganda, Stories, Updates Tagged With: About a Girl, child mothers, child soldiers, ChildVoice International, Northern Uganda, Uganda

Month Four: This Is Who I Am, This Is How God Made Me

August 25, 2011 By Natalie Committee Leave a Comment

Interview conducted by Kristin Barlow and Beatrice.

I have a fear that people on the outside see us in Uganda as different, funny and having too many problems. I want them to know some things about me first though.

Orange Soda and Dancing

For one thing, I actually don’t like tea like most people. I like pineapple juice and orange soda the best out of everything. When I was young, I loved to dance the traditional dances. I was too small to dance with the adults, but I would go anyway to watch it and then try it on my own. Maybe that is why I’m so good at dancing today because I showed a big interest as a child. It was so much fun to dance; it always made me so happy.

An Accountant in America

If I could be anything in the world, I would be an accountant. From what I hear, it can both help me and allow me to help others. It would also help me to build a business, or I could help others balance their own money. I think it would be a good skill to have, and I need to help myself while helping others.

If I could go anywhere in the world, I think I would like to go to America. I hear it is a very beautiful place. I have seen it in the movies and it looks so interesting. Also, I have friends that live there and come visit us in Uganda and see how we live. So I want to see how my friends in America live, how they cook, fetch water, go to school, what their markets look like, and even how they relate to others. I want to see it all.

Just How I Am

I struggle with my vocational skills training at times because my hand is causing me problems still. Bakery is hard because of the wounds. I like hair salon too, but it is usually too painful. I would never be able to work all day long. I may have hope in tailoring, but so far we have only learned theory and haven’t begun actually sewing yet. Tailoring will be difficult for me too though because it requires measuring, writing, and other things that require math. I just don’t know enough yet. I’m just praying to God that my hand will be healed because it is difficult to do so many things. I guess I love myself the way God made me though, just how I am.

Though I am not perfect, I am happy the way I am.

Month Three: Learning and Connecting Like Never Before

July 21, 2011 By Natalie Committee Leave a Comment

Interview conducted by Kristin Barlow and Winifred

“Good morning. I would like to talk to you.” These are words I can say now very clearly in English. I also learned how to say other phrases and know how to do simple math additions now. I couldn’t do that before. Right now the teacher is correcting one of my papers and I’m anxious to get the results. I think I did well. I like being able to do some math and say some words in English.

Also, we have had the student elections. I didn’t get elected for head girl but I did get elected as the student in charge of the kitchen. It is my job to take care of the food items that are bought for the centre. I have to receive it all and make sure it is kept safe and used properly. I like the job very much. It makes me feel good to be responsible for something.

I’m learning things that I didn’t know before. I didn’t really know how to cook before, but now I am becoming a true traditional Acholi woman. For the women here, if you cannot cook, you will not survive. Now some day when I have a home, I can be a good host and cook good meals for my friends and family.

Forming a Family at ChildVoice

I know there is still a lot that I have to learn, but I am ready to learn all of it. I keep up with all of the work and am willing to work very hard, but sometimes I am still hindered by my problems. I have been having some very painful symptoms related to living with HIV. I get these blisters all over my body sometimes. It really, really hurts.

Before, I was not having an appetite because I was having such a hard time eating. The centre staff helped me by getting some different foods that are especially healthy and they are helping to improve my appetite. Also, when I try to wash my clothes, there is a lot of pain in my hand and arm from the bullet wound still. My friends here have started to see my struggles and help me by washing some of my clothes. It is still hard though because the physical pain reminds me of the past and of all of that pain. I’m just thankful for my friends who are there for me.

The girls in the older class are thinking about leaving now since it is almost time for them. They talk about how they are excited to see their families, but they are nervous to leave too. My hope is that when they leave they come back to visit us because it will be so hard for us who are staying behind to keep in contact with them and we will miss them so much.

There is still a lot I know that we can learn from the girls who have been here. We all wish we could be together for a lot longer, but I know we will make new friends too. My favorite days are those days when we have time to be together as friends and to rest on the weekends.

Here we don’t have to do as much work as we do at home. When we are at home, we have to wake up and start working right away and keep going until the sun sets very late and we are so tired. Here we get to be in school and learn. The best day so far was Easter Day at the centre. We had great food, music and dancing and we shared time together with the students, staff and their children. We were all together as one family. That was really a great day.

Cross Cultural Friendships

We have had different visitors coming to the centre lately, and we have already made a lot of new friends. I really enjoyed having them here. It was a lot of fun. I got to practice my English and we played games. They taught us songs, dances and different games and we worshipped God together. It was just so nice!

We also learned from them in other ways, like how to keep visitors and friends when they stay with us. We learned how to show respect to others of a different culture, like the way we should speak and act. Sometimes they do different things that are funny to the Acholi people, and we never knew before how we should be with them.

The day that the visitors left was really sad. It was hard to watch all of our new friends leave, but we are excited to have them back again and to have other visitors coming again soon. Now that we have stayed with some visitors, we will know better for the next ones who come and we will share a lot together.

Note from ChildVoice: Would you like to be a visitor at the Lukome Centre; meet Monica and the other girls in the program; and help make a positive impact in their lives? Find out about our upcoming Team Trip in November 2011.

Filed Under: About a Girl, ChildVoice in Uganda, Stories Tagged With: Acholi, child mothers, child soldiers, ChildVoice International, Lukome Centre, Northern Uganda, Uganda

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